Why are you taking so long Groupon?

Many are (im)patiently awaiting the announcement of the Live Off Groupon finalists. After submitting our applications February 24, we knew the wait would be long, but now we are in double overtime and the stakes are high.

Never before has the phrase "Many will enter, few will win" held such a prominent place in my mind.

Don't forget to support the Groupawn in his/her quest by joining the Groupawn Help Network!

What is happening at Groupon HQ in Chicago? We can only speculate...so I will:

After selecting the finalists in their late night screening, there was much discussion and disagreement among employees. What started as simple dissent soon became heated arguments. These arguments led to a cultural divide between Groupon employees. Tensions continued until Monday when employees returned to work only to find their office ravaged by tribal warfare. It seems that employees divided into camps supporting their favorite entrants and the only way to resolve their differences was battle!

While the contestants all waited with bated breath, mashing F5 every 10 seconds (CMD+R for our Mac friendly friends), a civil war raged within the confines of 600 W Chicago Ave. The only thing that can save Groupon and the contest is that merlin of deals, Andrew Mason. He returned to the office after a business meeting to find complete disarray, desks and computers smashed.

He quickly restored peace with a wave of his Groupon Wand (I'm sure he has one, if he doesn't he will get one soon..) The contestants should have been posted at noon (Chicago time), but since all the computers were smashed and cellphones used as ammunition, no one could update the website, or even post to a twitter feed.

What happens next? Well no one rightly knows...perhaps a Groupawn intervention where all the contestants race to Chicago to help rebuilt the Groupon empire...


....or maybe they will update the website later....

They have made up the rules thus far, who would expect them to follow any of our notions?

The NEW official Groupawn Help Network

Look everyone Twitter Collaboration!

What started as a simple conversation has turned into a full forum to support the eventual Live Off Groupon contest winner.

@Gracefulfallen has graciously created a forum to house information for the Groupawn. With your help, we can create a network of support including laundry, lodging, and just plain fun for the Groupawn.

The logic behind this goodwill is obvious, as states by @gracefulfallen:

Don't get me wrong. We all still want to win. We just don't want the person that's ultimately chosen (even if it doesn't happen to be us) to fail.

So effective immediately, sign up on the forum and start posting!
Tell us where you are and what you can provide the Groupawn, even if it is just the pleasure of your company for a night on the town.

Remember the time when people extend a helping hand to random strangers? Neither do I...my generation was raised suspicious of strangers and anyone that needs help. Our national attitudes can change, even if it takes a while.

Here is a great way to start: Join the Network!

The Official (unofficial) Groupawn Laundry Network

In an effort to help the future Groupawn, I (with the help of @gracefulfallen) am compiling a list of locations where the Groupawn will have a friendly place to do their laundry.

It can be a harsh world out there, and the Groupawn certainly isn't going to lug an entire closet around with them, so it makes sense that they will be washing their duds a little more frequently than average.

After we all get over the initial depression and jealousy of not being chosen as the Groupawn, I'm sure a large number of us will actually want to meet this fortunate individual and help them on their quest of awesomeness.

Listed by their twitter handles are the individuals and locations where the Groupawn will find a friendly welcome:

@paulmorana - Central MA
@gracefulfallen - L.A.
@JoeGroupon - Seattle
@...

This will potentially turn into something big, so stay tuned:
Hit me up on Twitter! if you want to help the Groupawn!!!